Monday, October 13, 2008



(This is a very melancholy piece of writing but its far from being negative. Thats because its reality and you cannot deny it. Sometimes, the very solution to all the pain you have is to accept it for what it is and cry over it as long as you wish. Sometimes, you have a right to be sad, to be beautifully sorrowful…..)

Ever known the hurt

the pain of just existing

Its not like physical discomfort

It doesn’t need medicines

It creeps up to you unknowingly

It builds within you slowly

It depresses you all the time

It eats you from within

It doesn’t stop in a few days time

It stretches over years to come

It never leaves you alone for a single moment

It burns you from the inside

Eventually the tears die

And emotions lessen

What remains is a void

An empty space with no meaning

Just a useless existence

The heart is vulnerable

It falters at every step

It loses much more than it achieves

It reaches early ends

I hurt too

like all of us

I have too

immense pain

What heals the invisible wounds

is not time

But, love and acceptance

of life as it is….

p.s. copied from the net

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

trials and exams

haha...first trials just finished...another one coming up after the raya holidays...well...at least it forces me to study...stpm starts on the 14th of november and ends on the 4th of december...not prepared at all leh...

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

september

beginning of september..what will it be like?
i hope it'll be a start of a new life...a start of another adventure of change...for the better...

Monday, August 25, 2008

i'm back :p

haven't blog in a week..dun really know wat to say..hee..just busy with my never ending project..wanna quit form 6 but dunno if it'll be the right decision or not..hai..

Monday, August 11, 2008

bridal gown craze...

i finally did something for my craze on bridal gowns...i can spend so much time on line just browsing through one by one...hee...here are some designs tt i like...feel free to comment...the more the better...hee...i'll add some more the next time i blog...wahaha =P

Friday, August 08, 2008

7th of August 2008

attended a seminar for maths yesterday...so so so so so boring lo...i had frens beside me but i just had tt lonely alone feeling...

no one to talk to...being left behind most of the time...

talked to him when he called...he asked me to put God first then him...talk to God first then only him...i'm glad tt i found someone tt i can be accountable to...someone tt i can count on...though he doesn't spend a lot of time with me but it's enough to remind me to do first things first...

here's a big thank u to...............thanks for being there when i need u... ^_^

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

trust Him ^_^

felt better after talking to stella...well...i decided to take things easier...whatever tt happens let it happen by itself...things tt hv to be revealed will come to light by itself...i pray tt He'll watch over tis and i trust tt He knows wat's best...

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

why can't ppl be more sensible la......!!

blogging again...tis is wat my frens will always say when they see me starting to type in front of thr computer...hehe...well...i've always say i got a lot to type on my blog byt when it comes to wat to type..i go blur...haha...

my relationship with him's going well just tt i still mind about his pass sometimes...wonder if he does also...i know he doesn't always hv time for me...hai...no choice...bare with it lo...i thank God tt he's so understanding...so different from those guys tt i had before...ok...i know i've said tis lots of times but i really can't help it la...haha...
seriously wonder why ppl know i'm with him...who the *@#?& tell wan?? i know the only ppl i told were ppl tt i trust and i trust him to be sensible enough not to tell but how do ppl get to know about it...i didn't place his name on my blog...why are ppl so *&@? why can't they mind their own business? when it's time to tell things would naturally come out but why break the news so prematurely?????

hai...the more i think about it the more irritated i feel...keep it to urself la...cannot keep it to urself then type it on ur blog and lock ur blog so tt no one can see la...hai...why la...really leh...why??????????

oh Lord bless my soul...bless whoever tt has done all tt...

Monday, August 04, 2008

ATTENTION: locking me blog...

i am going to lock my blog pls leave a comment and ur e-mail address...thank u...

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

grateful ^_^

when u want something and finally get it...happy but when it doesn't turn out the way u expect...hai...disappointing right...
well...as long as i'm hv wat i need...i think tt should be more than enough ba...
i wanna thank God for putting him un my life...i dunno whether God's using him to bring me back to Him but i'm grateful tt he's my encouragement to go to God..to seek after Him first...
i hope He'll be the centre of our relationship...blessing every step we take...

Friday, July 25, 2008

solve ur own problems la..........

how to be a good influence when u're just being who u are?
why is it so hard to just hv a fren but not influence her?
must parents always come between their children's problems?
does any of their kids problems hv to do with them?
why can't they let them solve their own problems?
isn't it better for the kid to learn how to go through their own problems by themselves?
i didn't expect this thing to bother me but why does it?
why is it so disturbing?
yes i know i've been given the gift to influence ppl but i didn't mean to influence them in a bad way...
wat am i suppose to do now?
losing frens
dun find my place at home
dun seem to wanna exist in church
wat is it?
why is it tis way?

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

to those tt read my blog

thank u all for all those encouraging words...sometimes i just type whatever i feel without thinking...tt's why it's a good thing ti hv frens...another thing about frens is they keep things in hush hush mode...i appreciatte everyone tt has just read it and somehow forget it...i hope to hear more from everyone...it's a great thing to be encouraged...sorry if i dun leave any comments on ur blogs...not really good with this blogging thingy...
God bless...take care ^_^

love is in the air :p

wat do parents really wan?

how good is good enogh?

honestly...i dun feel accapted at home..even in church...just feel so distant...



at least i found something good..someone tt could give me tt acceptance i'm looking for..though it is a little sudden but i'm glad ^0^

nothing beats the feeling of being loved..nothing can replace the feeling of being loved..hopefully tis will be my last and final one..no more heart breaks..no more break ups..hopefully..just hopefully..i like the feeling of being missed and missing someone tt i love..having someone to care for me and dote me..it's just so sweet...hehe :p i hope he can change my perspective of life...from being so negative to being the person tt love life again...wah..miss him already..hehe...

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

thinking...

another new week...time flies leh..haha...still wondering wat's the difference between genuine friendship and love...how do couples actually maintain their relationships...wat to do after i leave home..wat kind of life i'd hv...

i'm reading a book about a girl tt had a kid with her bf but her bf left her cause he thought she betrayed him...tt girl has a life with her kid though it's hard but she still feels blessed..thought of having a life like hers with no husband but only a life with my kid..i can spend all my attention on raising, loving and caring for my kid and not needing to bother about my husband..being able to skip having the worry about my husband betraying me or not..u may say tt my kid won't hv a father's love but i sort of grown up without it so i dun think my kid can't live without it too...i know it sounds weird..but it's a nice challenge..

well...life's hard with so many things..why ah.......

Monday, July 07, 2008

Yeah...GIRL POWER!!

Started our first prayer session...didn't expect to receive anything...honestly...i almost fell asleep...hehe...God is gracious sia...He gave me a vision...yeah...a beautiful one too...

Friday, July 04, 2008

wodering..........

me no frequent blogger...have lots to say but dunno how to put it in words...really curious to know how others can say so much on their blogs...hmm..........

Monday, June 30, 2008

hai....

struggling with bgr...again...how long more should i pull through????

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

exam = STRESS!!!

hmm...still can't get the hang of customizing me own blog...why can't things be much easier leh...hmm...wat else to say leh...now i'm feeling the stress of exam...scary sia...few more months left only leh..out of 4 subjects...i only passed 1...die la...die la...

Friday, June 13, 2008

wat's the definition of being close to someone?? i'm really curious to know...
i wonder how some ppl can actually accept the fact tt her special someone is much younger than she is?
so much to think about..yet..no answers..going through it urself is like tying urself to an emotional bomb tt'll blow up anytime..then heart ache..depression and loads of other stuff...
to be contented with wat u hv is easier said than done...really...
well..all these aren't that important though...
stpm sia...die lo...my results this time really bad la...so much to catch up and so little time..jia you!!! >_<

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

it's raining......heaven's crying??

rainy days always remind me of wat one of my ex said...it's cloudy cause u're not in a good mood today...yup...i agree...everytime i'm not in a good mood or hv things to worry about the weather just dun seem to be very good...how would u feel if a fren tt u haven't been seeing for so long suddenly appears..u're excited to see her but she isn't and just ignores u...sad la...really sad...why.........

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

never expected getting a blog done can be so tiring..

life's so different after the holidays...i reaise that i change to things very easily...i can just shut down to anyone or anything just like taht...sad sia...

losing frens are not fun at all..that closeness that's there can just be irritated by a small problem gone big...how to get it back???

i rely a lot on what ppl think of me cause to me..ppl out there are my mirror...they react to who i am or wat i am...

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Wheeeeeee

I finally did my own blog....wahahaha >_<